Daily Gyan

American Goa - I

2006-08-11T15:25:00.000-10:00

I finally bought a laptop a couple of days ago and have run out of excuses for not updating the blog. Was thinking I'd give you guys a day-by-day recount of events since I left Bangalore, but I really haven't been doing anything you might be interested in ... lots of classes, bus rides, waits at bus stops and other exciting things which I will spare you of ... so here is the much edited version ...

I lucked out with both the long flights, seat next to me was empty through out on both. Had some crap Korean food and managed to sprawl out and sleep through most of it. Despite all the sleep I was still quite disoriented by the time I got to the hotel, by about noon. Check-in at 2 ... on my way up in the lift along with a friendly American family ... manage to have a bit of a conversation ... told them I'd just arrived from India after an epic 30 hour journey ... the kids think it over for a bit and start chanting 'go to the beach' 'go to the beach' ... I managed a polite smile getting off the lift.

A bath and a couple of hours of sleep and I was good to go. Set out to walk to the university with a very basic map in hand. Promptly got lost after about 30 mins, tried asking for directions a couple of times, got replies in Japanese both times (?!), gave up and found my way back to the hotel.

Went out again in a couple of hours and got a burger at the hotel next door. I didn't know it then but I was just one floor below what is possibly the only gay burger joint in the world ... rainbow flags and all!

Ok, day-1 took a while to go through ... will fast-forward through other uninteresting parts from now on :-)

Met Khai (classmate, who was also staying at the same hotel) and we checked out the university in the morning, buildings and campus largely unimpressive. Had lunch on campus and set out to have a look at JAIMS, which is a lot nicer.

Back at JAIMS the next day (after a $35 taxi ride, since we missed multiple buses by standing at the wrong stop). The good Indian that I am, I was 10 mins late for the first session of the course.

Our class has quite a mix, everyone else has lived in either China or Japan or at least been there for a significant amount of time. I'll have to work extra hard on the language, almost no one else is at beginner level ... and even then, they know a bit already. I should have sat my ass in Bangalore and learnt some Japanese for the last two months. But yeah ... the partying was good too ;-)

After much thought I decided to stay at Hawaii Kai which is about 15 miles from the university since I need to go to UHM only twice a week. Finding a place was a bit difficult, way easier than in Bangalore though :-) And like in Bangalore, I got a place slightly above my initial budget and with a room (attic now) that I don't need or use. Its got cable and airconditioning included so I'm not complaining.

I'm half way settled now; one can't be settled here without a car, I'm working on that now and should have full or part ownership of one by next week. And yeah, while we are on cars, to get a Hawai'i license a SSN is required. This is of course waived for students who cannot get an SSN. But of course the DMV wont take your word for it ... so you have to go to homeland security and apply for an SSN, then ask them to fax the denial to DMV and then go to DMV within the next 2 weeks to begin with the written and driving tests. I spent all morning at homeland security to get them to send the denial to DMV. Will take the tests sometime next week.

I have a phone now +1(808)2065279. They don't have free incoming anywhere in America, I'm charged 12 cents for every minute (costs dad 20 cents to call me from his cell). Weekends are free, I'll probably be shifting to a nights also free plan next month ... but don't hesitate to call whenever, these guys are out to rob me in anycase.

Am tired after all this typing ... also have some homework to catchup on. American beer and other interesting topics the next time I get down to doing this.

Aloha!

Aloha!

2006-07-30T21:12:00.000-10:00

I've finally made it to Honolulu :-) Sadly the business plan needs to take a back seat for the time being ... firstly I want to spend some time and buy a good digi cam and secondly I can't do the snoopy thing since my ocean view room is half a block from the beach and 15 floors up.

Walked around town for a couple of hours ... unexpectedly large number of skyscrapers, weather much better than expected (expectations were madras-weather-low for some reason). Teddy's Bigger Burger also way better than expected ... drank 2 lts of assorted cold drinks. I already like this place a lot :-)

I haven't really checked out the beaches yet ... so by this time tomorrow I'm sure I'll love the place ;-)

Internet rates swalpa strong ... more later.

Hawaií

2006-07-26T18:44:00.000-10:00

Yeah ... I know its been more than 2 months since the last post. This is what got me to stop ... I discovered my blog is worth exactly $0!

The exclamation is purely to shock you ... I wasn't the least bit surprised. Yeah ... so here's the business plan ... get to Hawaií (I'm leaving on the 29th) ... buy a good digi-cam ... take a whole load of snaps of chicks in skimpy clothes (if at all) and put all of them right here :-). I've already booked myself into a resort by the beach ... in a room with the ocean view of course.

I'll be junking my current number (9880825611) tomorrow evening ... purely FYI ... I know I'll be in Hawaií by the time you read this.

Aloha!

Pro Bono

2006-05-16T21:35:00.000-10:00

Would've put this in the previous post if I'd remembered ... the GMAT classes are now free of cost ... I am celebrating.

To Gyan Or Not To Gyan

2006-05-16T21:15:00.000-10:00

I've been having second thoughts and more about this whole blogging thing, for a while I was telling myself that I wasn't posting because I was busy at work then it was because I was in celebration mode and didn't want to be typing anything. Now I don't even know what the reason should be ... of course I could keep posting random stuff like this many times a day but this is hardly the 'gyan' I set out to impart.

Still, I like being called gyanmaster once in a way ... and I need an ID to post comments ... and I might change my mind later on ... might make this into a photo blog once I get to Hawai'i (and get together enough cash to buy a nice dig-cam). Meanwhile, I'll still be writing random non-gyan stuff often.

Basanti is Back :-)

2006-05-11T19:39:00.000-10:00

Basanti - for those of you who haven't met Khobba - is my car. She has been needing attention for about 2 months now ... stopped moving altogether about 15 days ago. Since then I've been sticking onto my cousin's awesome but yet-to-be-named bike (the one with chrome in the flickr pics ... male names only please).

Three rains and two pairs of really dirty jeans later I finally gave her the attention she was craving for ... and she's back on the road :-)

PS: Basanti is not yellow as you might expect ... she is maroon ... ask Khobba why he calls her Basanti ... I haven't managed to get it out of him yet

Microfinance

2006-05-01T19:21:00.000-10:00

Got this from a friend on the school mailing group:

Bye the way guys.. I was just following up with the news about Vikram Akula being in Times top 100 list...

http://www.sksindia.com/background.htm
http://www.outlookindia.com/mad.asp?fodname=20030324&fname=Making&sid=1

Looks like he is doing a good job... sounds nice.

My reply:

I don't know who Vikram Akula is. I know what SKS does and I have worked with them in the past. While it all looks rosy from the outside (and many times from the inside) ... Microfinance is still serious business ... please perish the thought that it is purely social service being done by a bunch of do-gooders. MFIs have high operating costs etc but consider the raw deal that the poor person at the end gets: 18% is the least interest .... going up to 26%.

SKS gets money at 9-10% ... there is even talk of gov getting this down to 2-3% ... which will only bring final cost of borrowing to around 15%.

The IIM types in the group will tell you that a 8-10% spread is very lavish for any kind of financial institution ... not just one claiming to be there for the sole purpose of helping the poor.

Before any of you start thinking that I hate these guys ...

They ARE doing a lot of good and I believe they NEED to make profit to survive ... all I want is for them to talk and act more about increasing efficiency drastically instead of boasting 300% growth in customer base. For instance, this increase in scale should ideally result in massive increases in efficiency ... heard anyone talk of the decrease in spread yet?

JAIMS

2006-04-24T20:58:00.000-10:00

I have been admitted to the JEMBA program at JAIMS.

More later.

Three Cheers!

2006-04-24T18:13:00.000-10:00

Three cheers to the Nepali people! May democracy be with them. Link.

Not sure if a similar approach will help Pakistan.

It's Official

2006-04-03T00:34:00.000-10:00

I've finally decided to start these classes.

GMAT

10^th CLASS SYLLABUS.

HOW COME YOU NEVER GET A GOOD SCORE?

I HAVE AND I'D LIKE TO HELP.

INR 2,000 for 3 - 5 one-on-one guidance sessions.

Call me on +91 (0) 98808 25611 to fix an appointment.

Offered only in Bangalore of course and mostly on the weekends and time permitting on weekday evenings.

Being 25

2006-03-27T19:50:00.000-10:00

2 dinners, 1 breakfast, 1 lunch, countless whiskeys, even more Js ... 25 hours.

Being 25 is at least as much fun as being 24.

Thanks to everyone for dropping by.

I Work Too!

2006-03-21T22:02:00.000-10:00

Not even a day since I made the last post and I already have negative feedback!

Firstly, I don't do this everyday or even on a regular basis ... it just happens once in a while and I thought I'd share it with you. I wouldn't recommend it for Mondays and other days when you might have work and definitely wouldn't recommend it if you have an appraisal.

Secondly, I expect people to be a bit more imaginative and adapt this technique to suit other situations like family functions, movies, Air Deccan flights ... you get the idea.

High Five

2006-03-20T21:23:00.000-10:00

Start drinking early in the evening (it is essential that you have patiala type pegs of whatever, beer doesn't work) ... speed will not be an issue if you have the time.
Do not stop drinking when you are as buzzed as you are going to be; This is perfectly natural, your body would have absorbed all the alcohol it can ... basically, have a couple more than you need to.
Try not to eat too much before you sleep. Sleep until morning (which should be a couple of hours away).
Get up just in time to leave for office (without hurrying) and drink a lot of water as soon as you get to office.
Voila! The last couple of drinks finally get into the blood, you get a good buzz while looking fresh and smelling decent!

0.54 acres!

2006-03-19T23:50:00.000-10:00

Some time last month I decided to stop drinking beer (much to the dismay of many people) because I thought I was having too much. Yesterday, after watching Malamal Weekly, which btw is an awesome movie, and then getting some veg food we ended up at Koshy's. I proceeded to drink whiskey as I have been doing now-a-days, while eyeing Khobba's KF. We actually got around to calculating how much beer we'd each had in our lives thus far. The base assumption being 12, 650 ml bottles a week on an average for the past 8 years. Our rough calculation threw up some mind-blowing numbers ... here it is in fair:

12 x 0.65 x 52 x 8 = 3244.8 litres

On an average, 250 gms of barley are used to make a litre of lager (assuming European 2-row barley). Quantities of other non-water ingredients are negligible in comparison.

So for our 3245 litres we'd need 811.25 kgs of barley.

An average year yields over 1500 kgs of barley per acre for the two-row variety, four and six row varieties yield even more.

All the beer I have had in my life amounts to just 0.54 acres!

How many acres have you had?
Average number of bottles per week (650 ml) x number of years you've been drinking x 0.005625 = acres of beer that you've had.

Happy Holi!

2006-03-14T21:53:00.000-10:00

Green: copper sulphate -which may cause allergies in eye or even temporary blindness.
Purple: chromium iodide - which may cause bronchial asthma or other forms of allergy.
Silver: aluminum bromide - a known carcinogenic.
Black: lead oxide - may cause renal failures or learning disability.
Red: mercury sulphite - may cause skin cancer or Minamata disease (mental retardation, paralysis, impaired vision...)

Shiny colours are a result of powdered glass being added to the colours!

So here is how you make colours using natural, harmless ingredients.

If you click on the link you'll know that this is hardly practical ... and most of them sound like they'll smell terrible anyway. No colours on me please!

Drink your Bhang responsibly.

Happy Holi!

Chicken in the Green

2006-03-09T20:20:00.000-10:00

I haven't heard of the flu in a while and chicken prices are back to normal levels, hence assuming its okay to eat it now. Can't back this up with solid evidence or reports but its your call in the end. I've been eating for a week now ... it is only flu in any case.

Bangalore Beware!

2006-02-21T23:11:00.000-10:00

I've seen two dead crows in the past 24 hours! One near Rest House Park yesterday and the other on Buddha Vihar road this morning. I didn't touch them (or their shit) of course, so I think I'm ok. Sadly there is only one laboratory in India which can determine if it is the H5N1 virus or not, the High Security Animal Disease Laboratory (HSADL) at the Indian Veternary Research Institute (IVRI) in Bhopal, is also the only one with the capability in all of Asia!

That aside, they weren't crow chicks (or crowlets or whatever the right word is) and were pretty big crows and their dying might just be innocent old age.

I'm stopping chicken all together until all this settles down ... kinda bored of it any way ... always was more of a mutton person.

Ciggie

2006-02-21T22:16:00.000-10:00

For f**ks sake ... its only some leaves in a paper! And its a bloody good idea ... cheers to whoever invented it!!

H5N1

2006-02-20T01:13:00.000-10:00

Aka 'Avian influenza A' aka 'Bird flu' has caused the price of poultry meat to plummet yet again. I think chicken now costs less than carrots, capsicum and other vegetables. Hurray! ... ?

Here are some pointers to avoid contracting the disease (culled from various sources):

Avoid touching bird shit - check
Avoid touching live birds - check
Ensure the raw meat doesn't touch anything you might eat raw (this is tough if you eat out all the time, gyan angle: keep off the raw stuff, raw stuff is dangerous anyway!) - check (in a convoluted way)
Ensure all parts of the chicken are cooked at over 70^oC and that none of the meat is pink - check?

Avoid Empire, Imperial and other places where they make food in a hurry. The 'Kababs' at Empire and Imperial are often pink on the inside ... especially around 2 am.

General chicken curries are harmless because they are pre-boiled for a while and then fried for a while, unless you are a big fan I think you should go with other meat or sea food for the curry.

Tandoors often reach temperatures of over 1000^oC, this is if top quality coal is used, even otherwise the temperature will hover around 500^oC and generally never goes below 300^oC. With smallish pieces you can be certain that the inside will be cooked at temperatures sufficiently beyond 70^oC.

Eat those Kababs I say!

On Steroids!

2006-02-14T19:15:00.000-10:00

I haven't made any podcasts since the last post. I intend to get to office early once in a while and do some serious recording. My voice is almost back to normal, might record something interesting tomorrow. Meanwhile, I've been on steroids and off everything else for the past few days. That isn't half as cool as it sounds ... Amma even told me to stop non-veg for a bit ... that I didn't do of course.

The top most thought on my mind has been:
Do chicks call eachother bhai-chud as often as guys call each other bhen-chud?

Logic does dictate that there be an equal number of both. I'll leave you to ponder that one ...

Lazy Me

2006-02-12T20:30:00.000-10:00

I always knew I wouldn't be able to write everyday. I thought I'd give it a shot and try to write something 5 times a week ... you know ... just before I leave office.

Things haven't been going as smoothly as planned with this whole blog thing. No, I haven't got writers bloc or any other weird disease ... loads of ideas in my head ... just not able to get the time to do any sensible writing.

I took the next logical step ... techno-logical step really (he he). Decided to give podcasting a go. I have even recorded my first minute :-). This despite having my yearly bout of Asthma and accompanying cold.

http://www.clickcaster.com/gyanmaster

The first episode is not very entertaining but to its credit the whole thing including free sign-up and recording and everything took just 15 mins!

Preity Zinta

2006-01-30T20:34:00.000-10:00

Happy Birthday!

She turns 31 today! I heard this on the radio.

Voting Rights

2006-01-29T20:21:00.000-10:00

I saw Rang De Basanti last evening. Thankfully they didn't make the English version which would have been called 'Paint it Yellow!' ... it would have sucked. This was a film meant to be made in a mix of Hindi, English and Haryanvi ... no amount of witticism in English would have compared with the current version.

This scene (20 secs), my favorite based on the promos, was cut out of the film. I didn't even know there was something called the AWBI or something ... much less that it had the power to screw with movies. The board needs to be dismantled immediately ... they don't know what the f**k they are doing.

Look at it from the horse's point of view: it earns an honest livelihood carrying people about. Then along comes this once in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make it in the movies (this is really something as horses are getting fewer in movies now-a-days), no not some side-kick horse which the kids play with ... a real important role with the Khan on it (maybe it evens wins in the movie ... I obviously don't know ... thanks to Menaka Gandhi). Then it thinks for a bit ... no it doesn't owe anyone sexual favors for this role. Ah, the horse's prayers have been answered!

The shooting goes along fine and this becomes my favorite scene. The horse (whose name I couldn't find even after an hour with Google) is all prepared for super stardom.

Along comes the IAF ... they only change the credits ... I'm cool with this ... not paying to watch the credits in anycase.

The horse doesn't care either.

Now, along come the AWBI (to whom the horse did not dispense any sexual favors) and delete the entire bit with the horse!

The horse can't belive it! This, in a movie about corruption!!

Wake up horsey ... this is India ... you don't have a vote!

Joy and Sorrow

2006-01-23T03:00:00.000-10:00

The worst joy is in other people's sorrow.
The worst sorrow is in other people's joy.

The best joy is in other people's joy.
The best sorrow is in other people's sorrow.

Hmmm ... that doesn't sound as profound as I intended it to but I think it puts it across well enough.

PS: I think this is original but am not sure, please let me know if you have seen this somewhere before. Comments open.

Tight Clothes Myth

2006-01-17T21:24:00.000-10:00

The kurta (or kurti as some people prefer to call it) that I wore to office on Friday drew a fair number of comments. Some people automatically assumed it was transparent because it was white, this was proved false on closer inspection. Other comments related to how tight the thing was. I'd like to clarify that I'm not a Salman Khan fan and don't, in principle, wear tight things. Okay, I admit the kurta was bought during thinner times as are many of my other clothes. This tends to happen fairly often given my frequent weight fluctuations. I even have a couple of pairs of pants that last fit in the shop trial room two years ago and have refused to fit ever since. I'm going to continue wearing the kurta and all my other clothes as long as they fit. I (and anyone who has seen me) know that I am fat. It isn't one of my best kept secrets, has never been.

Popular myth: tight clothes make people look fatter.

Voice of reason: fat makes people look fatter.

West Bengal

2006-01-10T03:27:00.000-10:00

West Bengal now has more ration cards than people. Article.

Not Being Normal

2006-01-08T21:15:00.000-10:00

6,490,279,103 people. Is it even possible to define what normal is? Apparently yes. The biggest difficulty in this definition is that no one wants to be normal. This new found need for individualism is sending the marketing guys into a tizzy. How does one build a brand with enough credibility but without too much mass recognition in order to appeal to enough individualistic customers? What happens when these customers only try everything just once? Will even brilliant products die out without reaching anywhere near their potential? Who cares for these marketing types and their problems anyway, I definitely don't, not yet.

Here is an interesting story from the book Revenue Management: the author met a Nepali entrepreneur on a flight to New York, this guy sold Nepali beer, which by his own admission is terrible. What prompted him to start this bizarre trade? 'Everyone is going to want to try it at least once, whatever the price.' is the obscenely simple business plan.

All this aside, I'm sure you have personally experienced the distressing phenomena of modern individualism for its own sake. The new year party, where each one is trying to out do the next in doing something more 'different', is a good illustration. 'But why is this distressing at all?' 'Don't you like individualism?' 'Are you a commie?'. I do like individualism, like the other 6,490,279,102 people and that is the whole problem, this is why it can sometimes be distressing. I have done somethings which by themselves are so wild that people have advised me to have my head examined; very recently I went to Madras from Bangalore for the new year party in a bid to out do everyone else in going to the weirdest place. No one batted an eyelid, other people had gone to even weirder places in equally vain attempts to out do everyone else!

So, taking a cue from the South Park episode where Cartman becomes a conformist in order to not conform to the non-conformists, I will now try being normal in yet another attempt at not being normal.

Bonuses and Pay-hikes

2006-01-02T20:21:00.000-10:00

I managed to get to office today.

'So what? I do it every day.' Wouldn't have been your first thought if you happen to live in Bangalore. All of us here know that the real work is getting to office and back, I have now come to terms with the fact that a large proportion of the compensation received is towards this effort.

First there was this article in the Deccan Herald on the 23rd that said there were going to be some changes in the many one-ways around office from 28 Dec 2005. Okay, they do this all the time, I guess my salary factors in frequent traffic changes. Then rumor had it that the changes were going to come into effect from 03 Jan 2006 instead of 28 Dec 2005, this in spite of the cops actually managing to change all the road signs by the 28th. Thankfully there were no major accidents.

Life went on as before for a while, until today. I read the paper and it had this article which finally announced that the changes are in effect from today. According to the paper, there would be some changes to the changes which hadn't come into effect yet. Hmmm, work pressure building up, I ditched the car in favor of my cousin's bike and set off to work. First surprise at Anil Kumble circle, you can't take a right (unexpected and unnecessary) or a left (expected change). I went on straight to the next circle and took the left onto Lavelle road (unexpected but good) then a bit further down the road and the left onto Vittal Mallya road (expected). Voila, I'm in office!

Went down for a smoke and checked out St Marks road. Surprise surprise! Turns out the article on the 23rd was partially correct, it got the directions right and the date wrong. Today's article was right with the date (today) but screwed up on the directions. I still need to get home and don't know what other changes have been/not been made today. The cops are not very helpful.

I deserve a big bonus and a good pay hike.

Remember This!

2005-12-29T20:19:00.000-10:00

Its that time of the year again! No, not the recap, that wouldn't be pleasant what with all the disasters, terrorist attacks and the like I'd probably be crying by the end of it. As they say, leave the history to the historians.

It is of course the time to make resolutions. I know this should be a personal thing and all that but if you don't want to read it then don't. Its just that I tend to loose bits of paper very easily and I already did the mailing myself routine last year and since I have a blog to fool around with now that is where I'm going to put them.

Ladies and laddies, in no particular order they are (as of this morning) ...

Loose 15 kilos.
Do not shave head again.
Never drink more than five times a week.
Get into some b-school for free.
Always remember that drinking and driving is a necessary evil.
Keep under 10 cigs a day.
Get a girl friend (?).
Always remember that credit cards are a necessary evil.
Take a chill-out holiday of at least 2 weeks.
Bike trip of at least 1 month (after the monsoon but before b-school if possible).

That's it! 365 days to do all this. Keeping in touch with friends and other senti shit goes without saying of course. Other than all that, this is it.

Happy New Year!

PS: I didn't plan on having 10 ... it just happened that way, honest
PPS: just realized, today is also the first month anniversary for the blog :-)

Best Christmas Sale in the World!

2005-12-26T00:04:00.000-10:00

The MPs who took money for putting questions in the Indian Parliament are:

Narendra Kushwaha (BSP) Rs 55,000
Anna Saheb M.K. Patil (BJP) Rs 45,000
Dr Chhatrapal Singh Lodha (BJP) Rs 15,000
Y.G. Mahajan (BJP) Rs 35,000
Manoj Kumar (RJD) Rs 110,000
Suresh Chandel (BJP) Rs 30,000
Raja Ram Pal (BSP) Rs 35,000
Lal Chandra Kol (BJP) Rs 35,000
Pradeep Gandhi (BJP) Rs 55,000
Chandra Pratap Singh (BJP) Rs 35,000
Ramsevak Singh (Congress) Rs 50,000

Total: Rs 5,00,000

Dr Chhatrapal Singh Lodha (BJP) and his Rs 15,000 have been left out of the parliament report which makes for some interesting reading ... quotes from Nehru's speeches, bits from TS Elliot's poems and such like. I tried to find the reason for this omission but was unsuccessful, if you are interested and can devote some time to research this I would be grateful and will of course link to where ever you post it. I am however concerned with another aspect.

Normally, three Sessions of Parliament are held in a year: (i) Budget Session (February-May); (ii) Monsoon Session (July-August); and (iii) Winter Session (November-December). An average year sees the parliament convene for 80 - 90 days. Officially they work for 7.5 hrs a day but Anil Ambani assumes it to be 5 hrs in this article, he should know, he is an MP.

According to Parliament Affairs Ministry projection, the total expenditure for running the House during 1999-2000 was Rs. 142.76 crore (as against Rs. 27.72 crore a decade earlier in 1990-91). That sees parliament spend 1,67,95,294 a day (assuming 85 days) or 33,59,059 an hour or 55,984 a minute. Ah well, if it needs to be spent it needs to be spent.

"In all more than 60 questions were submitted by 11 MPs of which 25 questions (at last count) were tabled in the Parliament." - CobraPost

Now we all know that our parliament is as close to chaos as is humanly (or inhumanly) possible. Some of the tabled questions did not come up for discussion because of question hour being cancelled due to events like the clash between Gurgaon police and the agitating workers of Hero Honda. Assuming all of them were going to be discussed at some point in the year and assuming that each discussion would take at least 20 mins (think Vajpayee), operation Duryodan wasted 2,79,92,157 of tax payer money. Ah well, if it needed to be wasted then it needed to be wasted.

Now compare the 2,79,92,157 that these questions are worth to the 5,00,000 that it took to buy them, a whooping 98.21 % off! Who ever said the best Christmas sales were in the west!!

The Anti-hangover

2005-12-22T21:39:00.000-10:00

When does a day start? The midnight to midnight thing is ridiculous, doesn't work for anyone except arctic dwellers and such like. Anyone who has ever had a hangover will agree with me when I say it starts the previous evening, around 8:00 pm generally. I am tempted to carry on blabbering about that but I have something better to write about :-). Oh I love this font, nice broad smile, going to do it again :-).

I am now experiencing an anti-hangover (like anti-matter is to matter). And yes, one does need alcohol for anti-hangovers as well (pref whiskey). I had 7 pegs of Signature spread over 7 hours, from 8:00 pm to 3:00 am. Lively debates on everything from Operation Manju to FTV models to who should get to wear the Santa cap (friend's sister's). Someone went and got more liquor at 11:00, we thought we were going to run out in an hour and we all know 'a stitch in time blah blah ...'. Hot dosas and cold chicken curry (courtesy friend's mom) at 11:30 and then I made veg fried rice and egg burji at 2:00, everyone (3 of us were left by this time) loved it and said it was the best they had ever had, the fried rice not the egg burji. Probably because I couldn't find the oil in his kitchen and had to make do with butter.

All was going well and then I remembered something I have been planning to do for at least 3 years now. Breakfast at Brahmin's Coffee Bar, supposedly the best idlies in the world. We slept by around 4:00, still very determined to make it to Brahmin's. I foresaw most of this and brought along clean undies and a t-shirt the previous morning, so I could head directly to office from my friend's place. We were up by 10:00 and at Brahmin's by 11:00. They are the best idlies I have ever had, by far. I would be last on the list of idly aficionados but I managed to eat 4 idlies and 2 vadas with a Rs 3 dollop of butter on them; and then we had the coffee 2/3 :-).

Ah, I've forgotten to mention that we were listening to The Best of Don McLean while driving around (I've been doing this for 3 weeks I think, not much of a music person). It is good stuff. And I got to office around 11:45.

'Hold it! All this on a Friday, a weekday?' Yes, and I haven't even got to the best part yet. There is a meeting appointment from my team lead for 7:30 this evening. 'F**k, that sucks, big time!'. I know, its been cancelled :-) :-).

PS: I didn't use Party Smart or anything else, drank lots of water

Is Language Still Evolving?

2005-12-20T21:29:00.000-10:00

I have had a whole bunch of acronyms thrown at me today and there is absolutely nothing special about today. More and more acronyms are being thrown at more and more people as we make rapid advances in different spheres. So I thought to myself 'WTF? Why isn't language evolving fast enough?' and then I thought some more, on these lines: 'Are we evolving too fast for language to keep up?' 'Can we evolve faster than our language?' 'Does language limit our thoughts and consequently our development?' and finally 'How has language been evolving in the past 50 years or so?'.

T for time-out; I am a computer science engineer and my vocabulary is largely restricted to do, while, for, next and other elementary words. Most or all of what follows might be crap and BA Lits and other knowledgeable types and others are welcome to comment. Anyway here is my take on things.

I have no clue how the first languages started, maybe the parrots taught us how to speak, I don't care. All I want to talk about is how modern languages evolved. Actually not even that, start from a bit later, from when Indian languages have numerous words for the English word uncle and English has numerous words for things to do with sex. Fairly standard examples which I wont need to get into.

Spatial distribution of language users has until recently been a major influence on language itself leading to new words and different dialects. Thanks to the likes of the East India Company, English has become the language of choice. I know South Americans might prefer Spanish, the Chinese, Mandarin or Cantonese, the Japanese, Japanese and Europe a bit of everything but I think it is only a matter of time before everyone learns English.

Spatial considerations hardly matter now-a-days. So what is the major factor affecting the evolution of language now? I think it is the advances in science. This has resulted in different professionals speaking in very different words from each other. Are these new dialects of English in their making? I think so. Don't agree? Consider this: A bio-chemist addressing a large gathering of engineers and trying to explain the latest breakthrough, in a language he would normally use with other bio-chemists or vice-versa. Of the many misunderstandings, a significant portion of them are bound to be because of the different ways of expression of the two communities; not all of them will be solely due to the usage of words outside eachother's vocabulary. If I were to talk about the different flavors of UNIX, I am sure most bio-chemists would be puzzled at the usage of the word flavor, most software engineers would not (be puzzled).

That said, why do I think it is a matter of time before everyone learns English (or some dialect of it)? Because I think English is the only language that is actively evolving now.

The future? Will core English be just a basis for other vastly different dialects, like Hindi is to Bihari, Marati etc? I think so.

Comments?

An Often Asked Question

2005-12-19T21:14:00.000-10:00

I got the idea for this post after reading this post by Abhi. The question I get is not regarding a white bracelet, probably because I don't wear one, but this: 'WTF are you doing sitting on your ass?'. This question has nothing to do with my body posture at question-time but with what I'd like to call my posture in life. People obviously don't come up with this question out-of-the-blue and I have noticed that they tend to come up with it soon after I tell them that I aced the GMAT.

I will set about answering this question without delving too much into the possible reasons for this question, of which I can think of many, from the simple not liking my presence and wishing me to go away to the sinister and more complex wishing me to wallow in permanent debt after the MBA. Like I said I am not going to delve much into the reasons.

Some simple answers for you to choose from:

I like sitting on my ass.
I like what I am doing while I am sitting on my ass.
I still haven't come to terms with the events of 10 Nov 2004.
I think I am too good for any b-school.
I don't want to sit in a class again.
I like being a software engineer.
I didn't ace the GMAT, I lied.

I'm in Love ...

2005-12-18T21:09:00.000-10:00

... with this song.

"My Humps"

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these icies.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin' fly
But I ain’t askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin’
So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t taken
We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.

My love, my love, my love, my love
You love my lady lumps,
My hump, my hump, my hump,
My humps they got u,
She’s got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Lets spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps [x3]
In the back and in the front.
My lovin’ got u,
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.

She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh)Spendin all your money on me and spendin’ time on me
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh)Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

Ha Ha

Three cheers to our very liberal censor board for allowing the unabridged version on all our music channels.

For those of you who haven't bothered with experimenting with the 'Google Tutor - Voyeur Heaven' link on the right here is a better link that is customised to find you the mp3 on the net.

If you still can't be bothered to try the above method here is a direct link to one of my finds on the net. If it has been blocked or been taken off I guess you will have to go with the above method to find your own.

Goat Shit

2005-12-14T01:31:00.000-10:00

If you have ever asked yourself the question 'How is goat shit taxed by the village panchayat?' then this post is for you.

Before we can begin to answer this important question you will need a primer on the goat shit trade. The shepherds are the producers (the goats actually) and the farmers the consumers (for their land). The farmers pay the shepherds to pen their goats in on their fields for the night so that they can do their thing. The village panchayat taxes the income from this trade because the goats generally graze on the khrabi land which belongs to the panchayat.

The tax rate on this income is generally fixed at a whooping 60%! This can vary from village to village depending on the local value of goat shit; In villages with a lot of goats, the value is less and the tax rate is generally lower. In theory, in a village with very few goats and consequently a higher value for goat shit, the tax rate could be higher than 60%, in practice I have found that it is generally capped at 60%.

Post-harvest time is when goat shit is most in demand because there is no activity on the land anyway. Some villages follow the capitalist auction system where by maximum benefit accrues to the panchayat and the shepherds. Other more communist/socialist type villages have a rotating system where every farmer gets his turn and the rate is constant, this allows even less well-off farmers to get their fields fertilized.

If you have any questions please let me know ... I know a lot more about this shit.

Coke Experiment

2005-12-13T00:33:00.000-10:00

I've finally done it!

I remember reading somewhere that an iron nail dissolves in Coke in 4 days and that a T-bone takes 2 days. After postponing it for a month, I finally tried it.

The apparatus

The experiment has begun ...

After a day

After two days

No ... this isn't the fourth day, it is the eighth!

A better view of the nail after eight days

Needless to say, Coke does not dissolve iron nails, not even given eight days. All that happened was that the little rust that there was on the nail was cleaned. I'm not trying the T-bone.

I've also heard (from more reliable sources) that it is an excellent pesticide and since I'm not about to drink that bottle anyway I've decided to try it on the lawn (provided my uncle lets me). Will let you know if and when I do it ... until then, keep drinking I guess.

The Software Stereotype

2005-12-12T01:21:00.000-10:00

Being a software engineer in Bangalore has almost become a curse with the world's new found enthusiasm for individualism and all that. The last thing one wants to tell a girl around these parts is that he is yet another software engineer. Why has it become such a curse? What gave rise to this boring stereotyped image of the software engineer? And why have software engineers been stereotyped to begin with?

Do only boring people become software engineers? Can't be true, everyone is all cool in college and computers are still considered to be cool, except when it comes to work.

Aha! Then it must be because we are the only people who work with computers? Hardly, almost everyone works on a computer now-a-days.

Maybe the medical students started all this because they envied how fast we finished studies and got jobs? Slim chance, most of them are still studying and the rest are too busy minting money.

Could it be the BCom, BA crowd? Hey come on, they are all in BPO now and we are all on the same side!

Could it be all the other engineers who envy the better pay? Not a chance, other engineers have either become software engineers or have starved to death.

It must be landlords, auto wallahs, pub owners and all the other people who hardly work and just need someone to bitch about? Possible, but very unlikely ... most of them can afford to work so little only because we are working our asses off to pay for their exorbitantly priced services.

Government employees! Ha ha. Politicians? Ha ha ha.

Media people? No they aren't creative enough.

Arty types and people in other niche professions? Well, what of them? I'm sure there aren't enough to pull off something on this scale.

Is there anyone else left? No not God.

Who can pull off something like this? Who is clever enough? Who has the numbers? What can be their motivation? Why haven't software engineers attempted to break out of this stereotype?

I'll tell you who, software engineers of course! 'Are you crazy?' 'Why on earth would you do that?' you might ask. The answers are obvious. We don't want no more software engineers! Anymore and we'll start loosing our jobs or taking paycuts. The girls? Come on ... everyone knows money is essential for fun; The more the merrier!

PS: 'there are no girls in software' is NOT another of these clever strategies ... sadly enough, they really aren't any!

Our Best Invention

2005-12-08T02:04:00.000-10:00

What is our best invention? Wheel? Safety pin? Steam engine? Airplane? iPod? iTrip? Windows? Condom? NASA's anti-gravity pen? Everyone has their favorite but what is the best invention? Something that changed the future of our species; Something that sets us apart from the rest of god's creatures; Something that has become so essential that none of us can do without it; Must be beer! Wrong, I know some people who don't drink beer. What about alcohol in general? No, I've heard that there are some people who can live without it.

It is clothes. Of course it is an invention, they don't grow on trees do they?! Without clothes our species would never have managed to reach the far corners of our planet let alone the moon and other fancy places. Okay, nobody lives in the Arctic or the Antartic (I think) but this is hardly due to the lack of appropriate clothing.

T-shirts and bras deserve special mention. Anyone who has ever worn a t-shirt will agree with me on the first. Bras are a bit more complex, at least half of humanity (me included) must wish the damn things were never invented ... they can be soooo misleading. But thats not why they deserve a special mention, we wouldn't even have been able to get started on the whole male-female equality thing. They greatly increase the physical capabilities of women, well endowed women especially. And since they have a higher purpose in life than t-shirts I think they are undoubtedly our best invention.

* I've heard that NASA spent all of $2,000,000 in developing space pens, the Russians used pencils

Law in Harmony with Nature

2005-12-06T22:17:00.000-10:00

There are many kinds of laws for many different things. Some laws necessarily restrict some personal freedoms. While making these laws I believe it is of the utmost importance to ensure that they are in harmony with nature. An example will make this clearer.

The laws regarding marriageable age for males and females are obviously necessary. It also makes sense to have different ages for the sexes since the biological clocks are known to be different. This law prevents young girls and boys, who are not mature physiologically or psychologically, from entering into an important and binding long-term relationship.* This also protects children from pedophiles who might otherwise use marriage as a cover. This is what I would call a law in harmony with nature.

Laws related to gay and lesbian rights are making news the world over. I expect every rationally thinking person will have their own thoughts on what laws if any are necessary. For a long while now I have been convinced that special laws are required though I hadn't been able to formulate what they should be. While this behavior is not entirely unnatural it is still very rare in nature. Some examples from Wikipedia. So what laws can we have that are in harmony with nature?

To have meaningful and appropriate laws we must first understand nature better. The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins helped me to better understand evolution and thus formulate my thoughts on the subject at hand. Here is my take on things. Humans are animals and I am going to talk in broad terms, parts of it may be offensive but this is definitely unintentional.

Homosexuality is rare in nature. It has become a lot less rare in humans because it has been suppressed for many centuries in most societies. Genes which would normally not have replicated have done so because homosexual people married and reproduced to be accepted in mainstream society. If they were accepted as they were, I think homosexuality in humans would have been as rare as it is in nature. Do we need to remedy the situation? Yes, and the remedy is to accept homosexual people as they are. We also need to ensure that technology (in-vitro fertilization in particular) does not interfere with natural evolution. So, should same-sex marriages be allowed? Yes, nothing wrong with choosing who you want to live with. Accepting them as they are is an integral part of the 'remedy'. Should these couples be allowed to have children using technology? No, this is not in harmony with natural evolution. Should they be allowed to adopt children? I am still undecided on this one. Yes, if one is convinced that the children will have a natural upbringing; No otherwise.

I don't generally encourage comments on my posts but would love some on this one.

* I find the recent Delhi high court decision very disturbing and the proposed revisions to the 1929 act to be insufficient

Bangalorean Spirit

2005-12-05T02:16:00.000-10:00

Practically everyone in Bangalore cribs about the bad roads, me included. Bad roads have not only become a defining aspect of our infrastructure but also contribute significantly to many conversations. In fact they have become an essential part of Bangalore and 'Bangalorean spirit' now conjures up images of a lone techie on a bike bravely taking on the roads and the mad cabs at the same time.

It's high time we started cribbing about something else! Good roads will just mean more people at the pubs, malls, theatres and just about all the fun places I can think of. Numbers at office will not change, no one stops going to office because the roads are bad right? What I am trying to get at is that the good places will get worse as the roads get better. Already I find myself spending more and more time at home (other people homes included) to avoid the crowds at all the other places where I would have liked to spend time. What we need before good roads are many more good places.

Lets all start cribbing about the crowded pubs instead. This probably wont yield much in material terms but at least 'Bangalorean spirit' will start to conjure up images of techies desperately trying to get to the bar.

Gyan Class Cancelled!

2005-12-02T01:06:00.000-10:00

Beer, dosa, chicken and Bob Marley; I went to Pecos for lunch today and am in no mood to write anything. For a while I thought I'd write about how pissed I am at not finding a parking near Pecos but anyone who has been to Bangalore of late already knows this and I don't have much to add. I have finally found someone to clean my car so I thought I'd make a post titled 'Clean Cars and Dirty Shoes' because I had to walk a lot from the parking to Pecos, but thats really boring stuff and the papers are doing similar articles anyway. I'd even thought of getting rising LPG (my car runs on LPG) prices into the article and ending with how everyone would be walking around once the oil gets over. That got me yawning and I gave up on it and came up with something even less original and even more boring. An episode of 'Did you know?' kind of facts. I actually got down to writing a few lines but my brain threatened to go into 'hibernate' mode. Finally I thought I'd type in some random stuff until 6 and then leave office. I'm leaving office now.

Dieting with Coke

2005-11-30T22:52:00.000-10:00

"An eight-ounce serving of diet coke contains less then one calorie."*

An ounce is 0.029571 liters, a can of 330 ml is 11.15136 ounces. For the sake of simplicity let us round this off to having 1.4 calories. We will also assume that it has the specific heat and specific gravity of water since most of it is water anyway. Normal human body temperature is 37°C.

If you drink a can of diet coke at 10°C you will loose 8.58 calories!**

I have also heard that a T-bone dissolves in 2 days in regular coke and an iron nail takes 4 days. Will be trying it next week after which I'll make a comprehensive post.

* from http://www.dietcoke.com/
** this obviously also works well with water; a calorie in common parlance is actually a kilocalorie in scientific measure

Sesquipedalian* Words and Earlids

2005-11-29T23:03:00.000-10:00

I finally went to Spiga for lunch today. Nice place but I had to make do with a Rs 30 lime soda because they didn't have beer or even wine.

While there I couldn't help but overhear snatches of conversation from some of the other tables. This left me thinking of a question which often pops-up in my mind at places where they steal your money and refuse to serve alcoholic beverages.

Why did God not give us earlids?**

Before we can get around to thinking of fancy organs, we need to ask ourselves a few questions.

Aren't languages meant to aid communication? Yes.
Aren't short words easier to understand than long words? Yes.
Isn't it easier to pronounce words without rounding the vowels? Yes.

Why on earth do people (at places without alcohol) use unnecessarily long words and round their vowels? Do they think it makes them sound more educated? Do they want to be more British than the queen? Don't they like the other people around them?

Each of them may have their own reason and I don't care what they are. I'm not venturing into one of these places ever again, at least not until I grow earlids.

* a foot and a half long
** i'm sure he will in a future version

World and Balance

2005-11-28T23:39:00.000-10:00

Every religion has a date when they think the world started, as do most half-ass scientists. The questions you need to be asking yourself are "How does it affect my life?" and "Does it really matter?". To which the answers are "It doesn't." and "It doesn't.".

23rd March 1981 is when it started for me.

Since then I have put on 104 kilos and grown 104 cm (height not girth). A well balanced life.

Balance I believe is the single most important thing in life. Whiskey and water are also very important but since they are little use without one another and since they also need to be balanced, balance still remains the single most important thing in life. I am sure most of you will have something else which you think is the most important thing in life, think about it some more and you will surely realize there needs to be some balance to whatever it is you have thought of. No? Try a broader definition of balance.

Still 'No?'. Do you have four wisdom teeth* as I do? No you don't, or you would have realized this by now.

* teeth cavities,caps etc don't count